Here are my two new Conclusions for my "7 deadly sins at a soccer game". The first one is more directed at the 7 deadly sins and the second is more directed towards the soccer aspect of the story.
1. Deadly sins are deadly for a reason....they will kill you if you commit them, so dont do it. As you can see by this night at a soccer game these sins make life so much more complicated for everyone around you and they will probably want to kill you which could be another reason they are called the 7 deadly sins.
2. Soccer games are usually a family friendly environment that shouldnt be ruined by people committing the worst sins know to man. People like the ones at the game that saturday night need to rethink their priorities in life and start living a more positive one.
Hi Eric,
ReplyDeleteYou need to introduce these revised conclusions here. If you need help or ideas on how to do this, see Clara's blog. She did a nice job of introducing her writing.
You need to explain what we are looking at and evaluate it a bit. Tell us what is here and what you think of it. How do these revised copies compare to your original?
AND use caps! You aren't texting someone. This is academic writing. You need to use proper grammar, spelling and punctuation.
Ms. Basko
Ms. Basko
Hi Eric,
ReplyDeleteThanks for another great semester. I loved working with you this year. You've grown so much and I'm so proud of you.
I only wish you had put some more work into this. You didn't seem to finish all of it. The letter to the reader is missing and while I can see that you made some changes to your picture paper, you didn't make any of the improvements that I suggested for your reflections. Unfortunately, the largest part of the grade for the portfolio IS the reflective part.
In any case, the class is done and you are just a little bit closer to graduation. I do hope that you learned some things that can help you next year and beyond.
Please keep in touch,
Ms. Basko